New Dress Code
As a new agency, we've worked to establish our own identity and bring a new sense of cohesion to our work. That's why we're proud to announce that beginning Monday, May 3, 2010, DBHDD will be instituting a new dress code that will improve the morale of all employees and bring a greater focus to our work.

Under the new policy, everyone who works in the Division of Mental Health will be required to wear blue, Division of Addictive Diseases employees will wear red, and Division of Developmental Disabilities staff members will need to wear mustard yellow. Administrative and support staff will wear solid black. In addition, Commissioner Shelp will augment his current repertoire of straw boater for Summer and black beret for Winter with a tasseled fez for Spring and a tall pointy hat for Fall.

"It was clear from day one that DBHDD needed a greater sense of professionalism in its dress," said Rhian Sharp, Director of Human Resources, "and I will personally be making sure everyone complies with this dress code that's so important for our esprit de corp."

Beginning April 15th, state hospital employees will be voting for uniform colors of their own, as long as those colors can be found in a 16-box of Crayola Crayons. West Central Regional Hospital in Columbus, however, has been specifically forbidden from choosing any combination of blue and orange.

Although this move will be a win for all DBHDD employees, some managers have expressed concern.

"I worry those red shirts will make employees in the Division of Addictive Diseases feel like targets," said Cassandra Price, Director of the Division of Addictive Diseases. "Especially those I've never seen before."

Updated Logo?
DBHDD's logo has been as big a hit with employees as it has been with the people we serve, and with good reason -- it was, after all, designed by the employees themselves. Well into 2010, though, a committee of DBHDD employees has suggested that the logo already needs modernizing to better reflect our mission, vision, and values.

DBHDD Chief Financial Officer Lee Wright said, "I like the symbolism of a lighthouse, sure, but nothing says 'recovery' like a rocket ship!" To demonstrate, he began moving his hand around in a fish-like manner and began making "whooshing" noises.

"To infinity and beyond!" cried Wright.

Meet...Robert D. Robot
On April 1, 2010, Commissioner Shelp announced the appointment of Robert D. Robot as Deputy Commissioner of DBHDD. Robot's duties will focus on implementing electronic medical records, expediting technology requests through GAIT 2010, and interacting in a friendly and efficient manner with certain federal agencies. Robot -- whose friends call him "Robby" -- brings to the job a head for calculations, superhuman strength, and an ability to cheerfully accept multiple furloughs. He has only occasionally been known to go haywire and pummel lawyers.

Our Values: Freeze-Dried
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." ~ HAL 9000

"I know Kung Fu!" ~ Neo

"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." ~ Ripley

"These aren't the droids you're looking for." ~ Obi Wan Kenobi

"Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!" ~ Admiral James T. Kirk

Trilogy Screening
On first Fridays, the Office of Communications will be hosting screenings of the Star Wars trilogy to help staff members understand the mythoanalogies inherent in its tale of scrappy rebels fighting an evil empire with the help of robots and lightsabers.

Said Communications Coordinator Kristie Swink, "It's about this guy named Luke and he has to fight Dark Vader, but he doesn't know Dark Vader is his dad. Then the Ewoks blow up the space station and Hans gets together with Lela finally, which is weird because Lela and Luke are a much cuter couple."

Meanwhile, at press time webmaster Yen Tang has still refused to acknowledge that there is more than one Star Wars trilogy.

DBHDD In the News

DBHDD Gets New Grant to Fight Midichlorian Abuse
April 1, 2010

AJC Wins Pulitzer Prize for Journalism
April 1, 2010

Editorial: No Flying Cars. No Robot Maids. Is 2010 a Letdown?
April 1, 2010

Ming the Merciless Furloughs Evil Henchmen
April 1, 2010

DBHDD Press Secretary Loves Pizza, Sound of His Own Voice
April 1, 2010